Mistica Chronicles


Welcome to Issue 46
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

Aries

Ostara is here but have nothing to wear? Good news! There will be an Ostara day sale at Flashy Fashions this April, and it's only for people of the Aries star sign! This horoscope brought to you by Flashy Fashions. Why dress like a peasant when you can have style?

Taurus

A strange Anya will come knocking at your door. Do not answer for he brings with him false promises of affordable vacuum cleaners and cheap life insurance.

Gemini

Normally we'd offer you your horoscope, but the person in charge of asking the stars for signs dialed the wrong number and accidentally called a pizza place by accident. We'd like to offer you this seafood pizza we ordered instead, but the staff penguins already ate it.

Cancer

Do not be alarmed by the scare you'll inevitably receive this month. As long as you keep your hands and feet away from the snapping jaws of children and pets devouring Ostara eggs and candy like starving Rickets on a dish of pellets, you should come out of this without any missing limbs.

Leo

Hmm...I'll bet you're waiting for some otherworldly wisdom, right? Okay, here goes: Always say no, brush your teeth twice daily, wash your hands after going to the bathroom, and look both ways before crossing the street.

Virgo

A Pixie will follow you home from Darkwood Hollow and she'll eat all your food and steal your cable.

Libra

Now that you've proven everyone wrong, you'll have time to sit back and reflect on why you thought taking your friends up on that bet that you couldn't eat 47 bunny sugar mallows in one sitting was a good idea.

Scorpio

Good news! Your chances of randomly bursting into flames while walking down the street seem just as low as they did last month!

Sagittarius

Beware the Nokwi with the loud mouth and unlimited cell phone coverage. This statement may not make sense to you now, but just wait until you go out to dinner tomorrow night.

Capricorn

Love is making soup for your pet because she's sick. It's picking your child back up off the ground and dusting off his pants when he falls off a bike. It's surrendering that Ostara egg that you're fighting your friend to the death over even though you totally saw it first.

Aquarius

It's no use crying over spilled milk. Why not laugh over the fact that the spill is shaped like Queen Boreal riding on a Nightmare Mericai instead?

Pisces

Don't give up on your goal of trying to get a Storm Pandoria Box for your pet! No matter how hard it may seem to save up for it, someday you will achieve your ultimate dream of never having to pay the electric bill again!

Written By Fallout

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